Sunday, April 8, 2012
Is it Easter Already?
Happy Easter everyone. My hope and prayer is that you all had a fabulous Easter celebrating the Resurrection of our Risen Lord. This week has been a very tough week for me. A week ago yesterday my last living grandparent went to be with Jesus. She was a big part of our family for so many years. Even though she was here physically, mentally she was not. As I reflect back on my childhood and my time with her, all I can think of is how lucky and blessed I was and still am to have the family that I have. Yes there have been times that I have wanted to throw everything away and run from my family, but I am truly blessed. They have been there and saw me at my worst and still loved me. My grandmothers death as brought to the for front how fragile and fallible life really is. I haven't been very content with my life and where it is headed since I returned from BLR in January. Yes I have continued to lose weight and all of that, but not at the rate that I have wanted. One week I will lose, the next week I will gain and back and forth. It has been a roller coaster. This week I have really wanted to just pack it in and give up and say I"M DONE. I don't ever want to go back to what my life was a short 9 months ago, but I am tired. I just want this journey to be over. I know, it will never be over. A girl can dream can't she? I still have 3 weeks that I need or get to use at one of the resorts. My first choice obviously would be Malibu, but part of me kind of wants to experience a new change. I don't know though. I am really confused. Part of me doesn't want to go back at all. There has been so much that has happened since I returned home. I miss everyone there but I don't think that it's going to be the same when I return. Sometimes I really wish I could look into the future. Well, I have a follow-up appointment with my Orthopedic surgeon on Thursday. I shall see if he will clear me to even go back to the resort. He might say absolutely not. He might say yes with restrictions or he might say go for it. We will see. My inkling is that he will say yes but with restrictions. Until then my family and friends my hope and prayer is that you are all well and God will bless each and everyone of you abundantly.