Saturday, November 5, 2011
Discovering New Things & Allowing God To Have Control
Hey everyone. Hope all is fantastic with you all. This has been a slow week for me. I took it pretty easy this week due to some injuries that I have with my left foot and both my knees. I still exercised somewhat but not as much or as hard as I normally do. I see the orthopedic surgeon on Tuesday to see how everything is doing. I am really missing the hikes. I was just starting to get into a groove with them and start really enjoying them when I got hurt. So I can't wait to start hiking with all my peeps again. I'm coming home on the 20th of this month for a few days to see my family and to pick up my car and then hopefully if weather permits I'm going to drive back to BLFR. I'm excited to have some time to just be with myself and God. Be able to reflect on this journey and to refocus myself so when I come back here I can hit it hard. So much has happened since I left in July. This has been the hardest journey that I have ever been on, but it also has been the most rewarding and life changing journey that I have ever been on. As much as I miss all my family and friends & as much as this has been painful and emotionally draining, I wouldn't change it for the world. I am definitely not the same person I was when I left Spokane in July. I have stretched myself past my comfort level on things that I thought I could never do. I am so thankful & so grateful for this opportunity. It's amazing how God opens your eyes to situations that you thought were one way, but they end up being totally the opposite of what you thought they were. How he uses people that you would never imagine to open your eyes to what really is going on. On Saturdays if you don't go on the hikes you have the opportunity to do what we call Cardio blast. It's just a time where a trainer comes up with a cardio class. You might have strength, cardio or both. I didn't go on the hike this morning so I decided to do the Cardio Blast class. I ended up being the only one so Tonia, who was the trainer on today and I had a one on one session and we did mostly strength training today because of my injuries. Now Tonia is known for her toughness around here. She doesn't take any crap from anyone but she has a heart of gold. This is where I am talking about God using someone that you thought didn't like you or care about you and judged you to show you that they do care and that they want the best for you. As I have mentioned in past blogs, I have been dealing with a situation with a trainer here that has been very painful and very devastating to me. Well, this morning during our training session Tonia asked me why I wasn't giving my all in all of my classes during the week. I explained to her that I was dealing with a lot and it gave us an opportunity to have a conversation that I never thought that I would have with her. I saw a totally different side of her this morning. Instead of her judging me, I was judging her. I have been so wrong and unfair to her. Tonia, I am sorry I have been unfair to you and not given you the chance that you deserve. Thank you God for opening my eyes to what I was doing. When I return here on the 27th of this month I am going to start training for a 5K. I am so excited but also so scared. I never imagined in my lifetime would I want or even have the desire to do a race. This is my life now though. I want this to be a permanent lifestyle. Tonia is going to start training me. I am loving this new life. For the first time in I don't know how long I can truly say I am happy and I am loving myself and learning to accept myself. I am ready to take this world on and make my dreams come true. No more letting others control how I deal with things and how it affects me.