Wednesday, August 31, 2011

Got up at 5:15 am this morning and got ready and headed down to the gym and worked out for 45 minutes before breakfast. Having a very emotional morning this morning. Came back to my room after working out and started crying. I am feeling so alone right now and so far from God. Intellectually I know that he is there just waiting for me to call out to Him. To confide in Him. But I don't hear him or feel His presence right now. Lord I need you to comfort me and show me that you care about me. I need your strength to make it through this journey. Bind Satan from my life and help me to block his negative talk and not to believe in his lies. Do you hear me Lord? Give me some kind of sign that you are listening.

I am tired and weary and don't know if I can continue with this journey. I don't know that I am capable of continuing on. I have pushed myself to my limits and at times beyond my limits. This has been probably the most difficult journey that I have gone on. Why does this journey have to be so difficult? Why does God have me going on this journey? I am having a hard time picturing the big picture. What my life is going to be like once I get to my goal. Is it going to be better? Am I going to be happy and content? Lord hear my cries and comfort me.

I talked to my mom and my sister-n-law for a few minutes. They are always so supportive and encouraging. It is always good to talk to them but it is always hard to talk to them too because it makes me miss them so much more. After doing that I headed down to the gym and did some strength training for a little bit. After that I headed back up to my room where I cried some more and then I laid my head on my pillow and took a little nap. I was so exhausted from crying. I had my personal training session with Teri today. It was hard to be there and to focus on what I was suppose to do. It gave me a chance to express what was going on for me to Teri. I know she is trying to be supportive and she wants the best for me, but it's hard to hear some of the stuff she says to me.

Had a chance to also talk to Craig, who is our Property Manager. He always has a unique perspective on how to look at things. He said some things to me that got me really thinking. Hopefully tomorrow is a better day.